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21 When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me. 22 Then the disciples looked one on another, doubting of whom he spake. 23 Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved. 24 Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake. 25 He then lying on Jesus’ breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it? 26 Jesus answered, He it is, to whom I shall give a sop, when I have dipped it. And when he had dipped the sop, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. 27 And after the sop Satan entered into him. Then said Jesus unto him, That thou doest, do quickly. 28 Now no man at the table knew for what intent he spake this unto him. 29 For some of them thought, because Judas had the bag, that Jesus had said unto him, Buy those things that we have need of against the feast; or, that he should give something to the poor. 30 He then having received the sop went immediately out: and it was night. John 13:21-30

I know what’s coming, I know the cross is just around the corner. I know that’s the worst of the physical pain that my savior endured. The mental anguish though has been building and I can only imagine that this is the beginning of the worst, knowing what’s coming next. Knowing two of those that sat with you are about to betray you. Knowing the crowds will call for your death. In my minds eye I can picture the agony on His face, but I’ll never truly understand what He felt. I never fully comprehend the pain that He suffered for me. I was the reason. He was betrayed by Judas for me. Peter denied Him for me. The crowds mocked Him for me. We talk about the cross as if it was a completely separate event, but all of this leads up to the cross. All of this had to happen to get Him to the cross. Each piece that led to the cross was necessary and He endured it for me.

When I really sit and think about the events of this week, I feel overwhelmed with emotions. When we really think about it, who wouldn’t? As I sit and type this week each day the grief has become more intense. I feel agony over what He went through, but today, thinking it was all because of me is hard! Judas literally sold Him out, Peter, James, and John couldn’t manage to stay awake and keep watch, Peter denies Him, and more. Each and every bit was for me.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41

Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. Matthew 24:42

Over and over this week the thought of just how much He did for me and how He is worth my all has been coming back to me over and over. The betrayal He felt while He was going through it was more than anyone should have to endure, but how many times since have we betrayed Him? How many times have we like Peter, James, and John been asleep when He asked us to watch? How many times have we made stupid mistakes because we weren’t as focused as we should have been? With all He did for us is it really too much to ask that we watch?


Luke 22:7-71, Matthew 26:17-75, Mark 14:12-72, John 13 -18